


Crybaby

by nullvoid



Series: Shyan Playlist [2]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Song: Crybaby (Waterparks), Trauma, rated for sexual violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:20:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27772909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nullvoid/pseuds/nullvoid
Summary: "C'mon, Bergara, it's an easy two minutes in a dark bedroom! We do this all the time. You do this all the time.""I just.. this is different, Shane, really. I don't-""I'll go first, huh? It'll be totally fine, then you go, yeah?""Fine, whatever, but you so fucking owe me after this, Madej."or, Ryan has trauma associated with generic frat houses and cheap insults.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Series: Shyan Playlist [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1802245
Comments: 8
Kudos: 110





	Crybaby

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Just wanted to let you know off the bat that, obviously, there is references to past sexual assault ahead. There is no explicit rape or other non-consensual acts, just wandering hands and aggressive behavior. I tagged it for safety as I know this can be very sensitive for some people.
> 
> Just FYI, the referenced trauma will be italicized and indented in case you want to avoid it :)
> 
> Please do enjoy some minor angsty feels for the boys with me.

Ryan wasn't sure what he was more upset with.

On the one hand, it was really stupid of him to even consider exploring an abandoned frat house for Unsolved. On the other, it was really rude of Shane to insist on solo investigations when Ryan repeatedly told him he really didn't want to do it.

"C'mon, Bergara, it's an easy two minutes in a dark bedroom! We do this all the time.  _ You _ do this all the time." Shane pressed, a challenging smile plastered on his face. Ryan sighed and looked at his cohost, then to the crew next to them. This was hardly the time or place for the conversation he needed to have with the other man.

"I just.. this is different, Shane, really. I don't-"

"I'll go first, huh? It'll be totally fine, then you go, yeah?" Shane said, taking one of the gopros from the crew. Ryan bit his lip, watching his friend get his equipment set up before he looked back at him expectantly. The dark-haired man groaned.

"Fine, whatever, but you so fucking owe me after this, Madej." Shane smiled brightly and gave the other cohost a squeeze on his shoulder, sending butterflies throughout his stomach. The believer cleared his throat and shuffled off to the side to allow Shane into the old abandoned bedroom they were all gathered in front of. With the door shut and the timer started, Ryan's mind began to wander.

It was no secret that Ryan was a frat boy, so when one of the higher-ups had heard of an abandoned (and supposedly haunted) frat house in the middle of the woods of West Virginia that had recently gained some attention, of course they had demanded the ghoulboys go investigate to milk the frat boy bit for views.

What  _ was _ a secret was exactly how short Ryan's time in the frat was or why he never mentioned the name of said fraternity. The shorter man leaned against the wall and closed his eyes as his mind started getting fuzzy, memories he had spent so long trying to bury climbing back to the forefront of his mind. He clenched his jaw, phantom hands shoving on his shoulders, panic, fear, and nausea welling up in his stomach.

"...an? Ryan? Hey, man, you alright?" Ryan blinked his eyes open quickly and jerked upright as he felt a very real touch to his shoulder. One of their camera operators raised her hand in a placating manor. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. It's just, Shane's time is almost up and you haven't said or done anything." the host nodded sharply, running a hand over his face and through his hair, bringing himself back to the present.

"Ah, yeah, just.. Just really worn out. Haven't felt the greatest energy since we got here, you know?" he said with a nervous smile, glancing at the camera that was still rolling. He shook his head and checked the timer, counting down the last few seconds. Finally, he knocked on the door before opening it. Shane was standing in the center of the room. He turned and smiled at Ryan, holding his arms out.

"Not even a gust of wind, baby." he said confidently. Ryan rolled his eyes as his cohost exited the room, focusing his gopro on Ryan as he took another gopro from the crew. Ryan turned and bit the inside of his cheek, staring into the dark room. Shane nudged him. "Come on, Ry, you've got this. Oh, here -" Shane reached into one of the equipment bags and retrieved a flashlight, handing it to the believer. "Make it a little easier on you, huh?" something tingled in Ryan's stomach at the caring tone of Shane's voice, but his brain couldn't help but feel like something was very wrong with this set up. He took the flashlight regardless, clicking it on. After shaking it a few times to make sure it wouldn't go out, he nodded and smiled softly at Shane.

"Thanks, man. Alright, two minutes. No extra bullshit, right?" Shane nodded, crossing his heart. Ryan smiled appreciatively before heading into the bedroom. The door swung shut behind him and he took a deep breath, looking around the room.

To his dismay, it looked a lot like the room he had called his own for a year and a half. It had the same half-paneled wall with a weird corduroy-like wallpaper covering the top half. There was a basic desk up against the wall, a worn and broken chair laying in front of it. The windows had clearly been painted shut, but time had shattered the glass of them anyway. An old solid wooden bed frame sat in the middle of the room. A mysterious door was to the side of him. If it was anything like Ryan's frat house, it was most likely a very small closet. It was just the bare-bones of a typical frat house room, but still Ryan found himself being pushed further into the memories in the dark parts of his mind.

> _ Ryan was no stranger to parties at the frat house. Living there for the past year and a half, he had encountered his fair share. As a freshman, he was required to do all the prep and cleaning. As a sophomore, he got the perk of not having to do shit. _
> 
> _ So, as their last guest departed and the rushes and freshmen got to work on their chores, Ryan retreated with his fellow brothers to the bedrooms. He hadn't been tired. Instead, he sat on his bed and turned on his radio, flipping open a book on the history of the horror genre that he had been reading. There had been a knock on the door minutes later. _
> 
> _ Ryan called for the guest to come in. It had been one of the frat leaders, a guy he had really trusted named Brandon. As Ryan worked with the frat, he and Brandon had gotten pretty close. It was probably wishful thinking, but Ryan thought he could even catch Brandon giving him looks or hearing a flirty tone in the conversations they shared. _
> 
> _ Brandon had been more than a little drunk that night. Still, Ryan let him hang out in his room. Brandon had sat next to him, kneeling on the floor. He had the boy read some of the 'interesting bits' of the book out loud. Ryan eventually felt Brandon's hand dance up to his back. He smiled at the other and bit his lip shyly before looking away. _

"Ryan, one minute left!" Ryan jumped as he came out of his thoughts at one of the crew's voices and a knock on the door. He frowned, realizing he had done nothing but stand in the room.

"Shit, uh.. Hello. Is anyone here with me?" he called. The believer swung the flashlight around the room, not seeing anything out of the ordinary. He tried calling out again, mentioning the brutal hazing that had occurred in the house. "We know there was at least one person who died here. Would you like to tell us your story?" the room was so silent, Ryan could hear the blood rushing through the vessels of his ears. As he was about to ask another question, the light in his hand flickered and died out. "Oh, fuck. Oh, no no. Uh, hey, guys?" no one responded. Ryan's heart dropped. "H.. Hey! The light died, can you at least talk to me so I know where the door is?" Ryan yelled. There was no answer. The host bit his lip and clutched his equipment to his chest, reaching in front of him with one hand. With a string of curses, he tried to find his way to the door to the hallway, already planning on chewing out his coworkers for letting him freak out alone in the dark. His hand collided with rough fabric and he sighed in relief. "God, never thought I'd be this happy to touch that nasty corduroy wallpaper." Ryan muttered to himself.

"Hm, I don't know if it's actually corduroy." the believer screamed as he felt whatever he was touching vibrate with the sound of the voice. He scrambled back, tripping over some debris on the floor and falling hard on his ass. The flashlight and gopro scattered across the hardwood loudly. Ryan continued pushing himself away from whatever he had been face-to-face with, yelling and begging for help.

"Shane! SHANE, PLEASE!" he screamed. Finally, the light of a few different flashlights flooded the room as the crew rushed in. With the new lighting, Ryan could see that Shane had been the thing he ran into, the jean jacket he always wore being the fabric he thought was the wall. Ryan was completely baffled as to how he had gotten in, but he saw that the door he had assumed was a closet was actually another door to the hall. He had purposely snuck in to scare Ryan. The taller man smiled down at him, clearly trying not to laugh. The host felt a sharp pain in his chest.

"Holy shit-  _ Ryan _ !" Shane couldn't hold it anymore. He bent over and hit his knees, laughing loudly. Ryan watched him, mouth agape. He could faintly hear the crew chuckling too. His cheeks burned, feeling white-hot with shame and embarrassment. The shorter man stood up and brushed himself off, gathering his equipment and shoving it off into the hands of one of the crew. He ran from the room as quickly as he could. Ryan's eyes burned as tears started to well up, blurring his vision. He could tell the crew was yelling for him, but he needed space, needed air.

> _ Brandon hadn't been content with the gentle touches. His hand had slid lower, fingers slipping below the waistband and into the back of Ryan's shorts. The boy had stiffened at the touch and looked over at his mentor. _
> 
> _ "Hey, sorry, uh.. Maybe you shouldn't do that?" Brandon had just smirked at him, sliding his hand back up. _
> 
> _ "What, you're gonna act like you don't want this now?" Ryan then suggested the other man leave. Brandon had, but he wasn't really finished._

_  
_

Ryan threw himself out onto the porch of the house, huffing heavily. The air still felt stagnant and hot. He clenched his eyes shut and sat on the steps, curling over himself. 

>   
>  _  
>  Brandon had returned twice more. The second time, he had sat next to Ryan on the bed. He apologized and offered Ryan a red solo cup that also reeked of alcohol, though it was all clear liquor instead of beer. Ryan accepted the apology and denied the drink, keeping his eyes on his book. Brandon had huffed and set the cup aside before swiping the book away from Ryan. Before he could protest, Brandon was kissing him, hard and sloppy. He had forced himself into Ryan's mouth and pushed him to lay down on the bed. Ryan had struggled, hearing the book fall onto the floor with a heavy thump._

__  


Ryan sniffled and wiped his eyes quickly as he heard the thump of boots on the porch behind him.

"Ry..?" Shane asked quietly.

"What?" he snapped, barely glancing over his shoulder. The taller man moved closer, making Ryan get up and walk away from the steps, turning to keep his eyes on Shane. The brunet looked at him, concern and hurt in his eyes.

"Are you crying?"

> _ The third time was the worst. After Ryan had thought the fight was over, he had gotten up to put his book away and get some different clothes on to sleep in. He had barely made it back to stand in front of his bed when Brandon returned, this time shutting Ryan's door behind him. The dark-haired boy had turned to look at him, asking him to please leave, that they could try this all again tomorrow, but Brandon had been absolutely silent. It was like every perp in every crime show Ryan had watched. All he saw was anger and determination in Brandon's face. The older man had remained totally silent as he had shoved Ryan onto his bed. Ryan had started by pushing on his chest, telling him to stop. Brandon moved one hand to grab his wrists, securely pinning them above him as his other hand reached for his waistband. Ryan had whimpered and brought his knee up to the other's chest, using all his strength to hold Brandon back. _
> 
> _ "No, no, no, please-" _

"No." Ryan snapped again. Shane raised his hands and took slow steps down to Ryan. The believer stood, arms crossed, watching him cautiously.

"Okay. Hey, listen, that was really fucked up of me. I'm sorry. I expected you to be scared, but not to this extent." Ryan took a deep breath and let it out shakily. He squeezed his hands and dropped his arms to the side, looking around the surrounding woods. He knew he had only reacted the way he did because of the horrid memories his mind insisted on bringing up. He knew that in any other circumstance, he would have screamed and then immediately laughed along with Shane. He would have called him an asshole with all the fondness in the world and they would stare at each other with care and respect. Ryan sighed and looked back to his cohost.

"No, no.. I'm.. I'm sorry for overreacting. It's just been a really hard week and this all has been really stressful-" he rambled, gesturing in general to the house and between them. Shane smiled softly and nodded.

"Well, hey, I talked to the crew - they're good with wrapping up early tonight. We can come back tomorrow night and try again, make a little longer investigation out of it?" Ryan looked back up to the frat house and shivered, unconsciously wrapping his arms back around himself.

"No way. I'm fine with what we got. Let's get the fuck out of here."

> _ Ryan had gotten Brandon to leave by pissing him off, by shoving him away with his legs until the older man had gotten sick of fighting him. As he left, Ryan scrambled up and sat against the door, putting all of his weight in front of it. He held his knees to his chest and rested his chin on top, staring blankly ahead of him. The adrenaline was leaving his body, leaving him feeling weak and tired. _
> 
> _ He felt a nudge at the door. _
> 
> _ "If you don't leave, I'll scream." Ryan called through the door. There was another push. Putting his hands to his ears, Ryan screamed as loud as he could. He heard Brandon sprint away from the door, nearly sounding like he tripped. _

They reached their hotel room and Ryan immediately went to shower. He scrubbed his skin red and raw under scalding hot water, unable to wash away the feeling of phantom hands and fingers skirting along his flesh. He brushed his teeth with more force than necessary, trying to erase the ghost of someone else's liquor from the back of his throat.

> _ Ryan sat up until five in the morning guarding his door. It was a Friday and he had a class at noon, but he knew Brandon would be out of the house before then. When he left, he would allow himself to sleep. He hadn't been able to wait, though. At five thirty, Ryan crawled into bed and passed out. _

Ryan walked out of the bathroom, steam billowing around him. Shane raised an eyebrow, watching him. He didn't bother questioning the believer, though. The dark-haired man sat on the bed and laid back. The smooth sheets were cool and felt amazing against his abused skin. He curled up facing Shane's side of the room. The taller man somehow managed to still look attractive after a shitty night. Ryan had been watching his cohost for awhile now, but he wasn't one to really make a move. It didn't help that taller people intimidated him and made him remember his past.. experience.

Ryan took a slow breath, watching Shane gather his things to change and get ready for bed. A smile pulled at the edge of the shorter's mouth.

"Y'know, shitty reactions aside, that was pretty funny." Ryan mumbled. Shane huffed a short sound of amusement.

"You'll have to see the tape. It was the best. I honestly thought you had heard me sneaking in." Ryan smiled fully.

"Dude, I didn't even know that door went anywhere. I thought it was a closet." he yawned and stretched. Shane chuckled as he crossed the room, heading for the bathroom.

"Still, never pegged you as a crybaby."

> _ Ryan felt a hand on his hip. He opened his eyes slowly, feeling completely wrecked. He blinked a few times, vaguely able to tell there was someone kneeling next to his bed. As he took in the face inches from his own, the boy instantly shot awake and threw himself to the opposite side of the bed. _
> 
> _ "No, no-" _
> 
> _ "Jesus, you- fucking crybaby." Brandon got up and left, slamming Ryan's door behind him. The dark-haired man curled into himself and broke into sobs. _

Ryan hadn't even realized he had started crying again. Shane stood, shocked, at the door to the bathroom. He had stopped to glance at Ryan when the other man hadn't given a snarky reply and immediately noticed his friend's tears.

"Ry..?" Ryan shook his head and pulled the covers over his head, hiding from his friend. "Ryan, I'm going to come over to you." he could faintly hear Shane's sock-clad feet dragging on the hotel carpet. He heard the other man set his things on the other bed. Ryan put his hand over his mouth, trying to keep his sobs down as tears still continued to roll down his face. Slowly, he felt a weight settle next to him on his bed, making him immediately tense. He clenched his eyes shut as he started shaking.

"No, please, no.." he whimpered.

> _ Ryan didn't go to class. He spent the day at the campus library, researching the difference between sexual harassment and sexual assault. He tried to find resources for male victims or a guide to tell him what to do, but there was nothing. The more he thought about it, the less he felt like he had a reason to report anything. Brandon was a good guy. He had never done anything like this before. The entire frat had had a little too much to drink the previous night. There was no way Brandon would do that again if he was sober. That's probably what Brandon would have told him that morning if he hadn't freaked out. _
> 
> _ Still, when Ryan realized he would have to return to the frat house where Brandon lived, he felt unsafe. When he had made it up to his room with no problem, the sight of his bed made him feel nauseous. Even the idea of reading the book he was so interested in before felt impossible. So, he donated the book and his old bed spread and found a cheap apartment to move into. He never spoke to anyone about this. _

Shane waited silently next to Ryan's shaking form. He didn't move, just remained on the edge of the mattress to give him space but still let him know he was there. Slowly, he felt Ryan relax again.

"Wanna talk about it?" Shane asked softly. Ryan was silent for a moment before the blanket moved away.

"I never wanted to go near a frat house again." he admitted. Shane frowned and turned to face his friend. He felt his heart ache at the sight of the man he cared for so much clearly being in so much emotional distress. The man's eyes were red from the tears, his voice thick with his emotions. Given everything that Shane thought he knew about his best friend, he was confused.

"I thought you..?"

"Loved the frat life? Tch." Ryan scoffed and shook his head, a disappointed smile on his face as he looked up at the ceiling. He sniffled and wiped his eyes one last time. "I was only active for like a year and a half." Shane raised his eyebrows. Ryan looked over at him, searching his face. ".. Listen, there's no one I trust more than you," he started. The skeptic felt his heart skip a beat at the sincerity of the words, his cheeks flushing slightly. It was no secret that he had some pretty deep feelings for the believer. He had been crushing on Ryan for a few months, but as the days went on, the dark-haired man seemed more stressed and busy, making Shane put off talking about it.

Ryan looked away again, taking a shaky breath. Shane could tell whatever Ryan wanted to talk about was hard on him, so he grabbed one of his friend's hands, squeezing it gently. Ryan smiled softly and squeezed back. 

"I left the frat because.. ah.." he closed his eyes and huffed.

"Ry, you don't have to.."

"I want to." Ryan insisted. Shane frowned.

"But it's obviously very stressful-"

"Will you be quiet-"

"I just don't want you to-"

"I was sexually assaulted, Shane." Ryan finally announced, ending the bickering. Shane stared at him in silent shock. Ryan looked away, taking his hand back and pinching the bridge of his nose. Shane's eyes moved slowly off of the other man as he looked forward again.

".. I.. Wow, Ry, I'm.." How could he express how he was feeling? Shane was furious. How could anyone hurt Ryan? Sure, the taller man hadn't known him as a college student, but he'd heard plenty of stories that led him to believe that Ryan had barely changed from those days. If anything, the man had become more outgoing and friendly than he had been. A long silence filled the room.

"Cool, so now that I've ruined everything, I'm going to bed." Ryan said abruptly, pulling the comforter back over himself. Shane was shocked out of his thoughts, turning to look at his friend again. He sighed and pulled himself up to sit cross-legged facing the other man.

"Ryan, you didn't ruin anything." he waited for an acknowledgment, but when none came, he carried on. "This is.. a topic I'm embarrassingly undereducated in," he started. Shane cleared his throat, lacing his fingers together in his lap. "But even if this had changed anything, it wouldn't be your fault. You.. You're the victim here, Ry. You didn't ask for any of this to happen." Slowly, Ryan pushed the blanket back again, looking up at the other man. Shane felt his stomach twist with nerves, making him avoid the other's eyes. "Honestly, I don't really know how to respond, because it just makes me so- so mad, thinking that anyone would ever hurt you. I mean, I didn't know you then, but you're-" he rambled, gripping his hands tighter. "You're like the greatest guy I know. You're funny, sweet, caring, genuine, and so, so passionate about the things you work on and believe in." his voice lowered and he hesitantly glanced back into his friend's eyes. Ryan was smiling softly. He reached out and pulled one of Shane's hands free, lacing their fingers together instead. They remained quiet for a moment, Ryan's thumb soothingly rubbing along Shane's knuckles.

"I.. never told anyone. I just.. I moved out of the frat house and kept my head down." he cleared his throat lightly, forcing more tears down. "I really liked my college town, you know? It was close enough to LA that I could rationalize living there after my degree and still be near all these job opportunities." Ryan smiled sadly, staring at the ceiling in a daze. "I was happy with my apartment, I had a fantastic social group, but.. I.. I saw him everywhere." he whispered. Shane didn't respond, just letting him think and speak. 

"On campus, when I saw him.. it was like he never saw me. Like I was just another face in the crowd. In town, though, I would run into him alone." he bit his lip and shook his head. "At first, he was scared almost. Like he was waiting for the consequences.. but they never came. So, he would change to looking at me all smug, like he had won something." Ryan took a deep breath and Shane squeezed his hand lightly. Ryan looked over and smiled briefly at him to let him know he was okay before continuing. "Even after he graduated, he was still around. So, as soon as I graduated, I moved back in with my folks and went from there." Shane watched as various emotions flashed through Ryan’s face before he settled on a careful neutral, jaw tightened. The taller man sighed and rearranged himself so he was laying next to the man, their hands still clasped.

“I know you hear me say this all the time, but I really just want to emphasize it for you.” he muttered, looking over to him. Ryan met his eyes, waiting expectantly. “You are  _ so _ brave.” the believer scoffed and sat up, moving to pull away.

“Shut the fuck up, Shane.” Shane tightened his hold on Ryan’s hand gently, not allowing him to run away. He mirrored his position, gently guiding the man’s face back to look as his own.

“No, Ryan. I’m so serious about this.” he cleared his throat and shook his head, dropping his hand. Shane adjusted their hands, laying Ryan’s flat on top of his and gently tracing the tendons on the back with his other hand.“You face your fears every day by throwing yourself into these situations you know are going to scare you. And then you mix that fear in with some serious trauma and you look at it and say ‘yeah, let's do it’. That’s amazing, Ry.” he took a shaky breath and pulled the other’s hand up, kissing the back of it gently. “ _ You’re _ amazing.” he said, nervously meeting Ryan’s eyes. The believer just looked at him, lips parted in shock. His eyes moved quickly between his hand and Shane before he smiled softly, a blush creeping across his face. Instead of responding, Ryan moved to wrap his arms around Shane, hiding his face in the other’s neck. Shane smiled and rubbed his back comfortingly, pressing a kiss to his head.

“I don’t know a lot about how to handle these situations,” Shane said softly. “But I know that this isn’t something you’re just going to magically get over with one heart-to-heart.” he pulled back a touch and moved his hand to brush the other man’s cheek. “So, I want you to know that I will always listen if you need to talk about it. I will always be here if you need someone to lean on.” he remembered Ryan’s reluctance earlier in the night, before everything had happened. “And from now on, you can always trust me. I will always listen to you. I won’t push you into doing something that you’re totally against ever again, if that’s what you need.” Ryan watched him, a fond smile on his face.

"I agree a push is good every now and again, man. Were it any other investigation, it would have been just fine, yeah? I trust that you would never let me endanger myself." Shane shook his head.

"You're too precious to me." Ryan smiled wider and leaned forward, pressing the lightest kiss to the other's lips.

"Right back at you, big guy."


End file.
